Open guard. Again. If it wasn't so entertaining, I would hate it. Because it's hard. And sometimes it hurts. But the feeling of finally getting your opponent pretzeled and confused and then gently tipping him over and choking him is worth every bit of effort. Not that I got to feel that sensation Tuesday night.
I couldn't possibly ask for a better instructor. I don't know whether it is because my learning style fits with his teaching style, whether I think that because I've never tried learning jiu jitsu before taking lessons from Klint, or what. I don't even really know if I'm actually progressing. I mean, I can tell when I'm progressing in relationship to the other lower belts. I know that my game is ahead of the white belts, and that JD is catching up to me right quick. I also know that I can force Klint to have to work harder and longer to get the same tap out of me, so that's something. But I've yet to feel like I'm in control of anything. Even rolling against other blues across town, I feel like I revert back to relative flailing. The calm and cool demeanor from my home academy vanishes and I'm left relying on my natural attributes more than I think I do at home.
Also, the balance between aggression and control still eludes me. I don't know what that tipping point is that allows me both to be aggressive against a higher belt and also to maintain control and composure at the same time. Part of that might be the anxiety of rolling with a "superior," someone who is higher than me on the food chain and who should, for all intents and purposes, be able to beat me. And then I throw myself forward in an effort to prove my merit and abilities, whether or not they result in a submission or a positional battle or even just a scramble. And that isn't what I train to do.
So I don't know if my training is helping. I don't know if I'm fostering those habits of excellence that will serve me for years to come. I know only that I keep training and hoping that, if I keep showing up for a long enough time, eventually I'll stop sucking.